I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize