The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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