Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize