tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
