I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
nutella sex= disaster
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
