WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
