Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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