After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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