So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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