she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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