Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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