If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
