Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my being single is dangerous.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
