If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
