If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
