maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
