Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
