two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize