They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
