I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
