Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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