he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
