I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
