can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
