Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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