She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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