After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
