What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
