Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He felt like a one man threesome
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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