your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
