Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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