you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
