Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
