I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
