you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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