I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
