In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
