and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
they're like a gay fantastic four
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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