i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
