I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Randomize
