a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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