I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
