Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
