The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he was CRYING into my vagina
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
