I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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