Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize