I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
