I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
either way he was missing a nipple.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Im part way to drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
