hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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