There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
