I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
