I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
