I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
