I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
