Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
