What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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