I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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