The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
