as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
