Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize