I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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