Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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