Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize