Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
