I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
