oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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