I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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