My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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