I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
