I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
