So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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